My Mind is the Madness
By: Stephanie Mannuci
Maybe, if I sit still enough my mind will stop racing. Ha, a single thought that grips tight to the very core of my being. The endless barrage of thoughts, the sad, the bad, the ugly, but never the indifferent. Never peace. Never solace in the fact that I can sit back and stare off blankly into the face of contentedness. But why? Shouldn't I, the captain of my own ship be able to steer these thoughts that are so rightfully mine!
What is that, a faint chortle, a small deafening chuckle comes from my innards. These thoughts, more powerful than my will and more tangible than my skin finds it novel that I should have an independent notion. My thoughts are the harvest of hate, the sultan of sadness, and my closest cohort. We push on together; one cannot survive without the other. We are not in a fight over good and evil, not in a war amidst friends, but simply a coexistence that results in an infinite tug-of-war for power but does nothing but stabilize. It's a conflict of mind over matter that has no definite conclusion.
In wait it stirs. When I am so close to satisfaction it finds me or rather it never left. It's a slow beating, dull, lucid reminder that I can never get too far. The feeling is empty but the emotion is there. Unknown, a feeling that has no formal signature, no calling card, and no mercy! Empty as the heart in which is does not have. A feeling as organic as water, air, or earth. The battle forges on or rather stays the same as it races towards infinity. I have not won and it has not won. As careful as a balancing act we go forward holding hands as we dance a desolate tango.
I couldn't beleive my eyes. They were ALIVE. As sure as the sun rose they climb in my briefcase. To visit...... or something else? Upon discovery the whole gang made it. They were in my bag, in my coat pockets and every plave in between. They perfectly alined themselves for the day and that is where they will stay. Unless THEY move.
Smooches My Lovelies!